A journey through grief with autism.

3-Minute Read

Tam & Mammy

Complaint and correction

I got an email from someone (I said I wouldn’t) that I was spending too much time complaining on the website and I should talk more about the solutions to Tam and my problems. After a bit of a conversation and a read back they are right. The posts are a bit “poor me”. I do stand by my reasoning to begin with. They are written from the point of view of a grieving Dad, a Dad that is also grieving for the loss his son has had and how they have added to his life challenges.

So here goes, what has helped.

Raise the white flag

Be prepared to shout and fight for help. Don’t be too proud to ask for help (I was to begin with). Child support to be honest is like a war sometimes, and that is for the support agencies as well as you as a parent. Sometimes speaking softly and pointing out that you need help is enough. Somtimes you have to be stubborn, awkward, shouty, and downright demanding. Like a say Child Support is like a war and like all the times we have gone to war the government finds the money. So stand your ground, state your case clearly, and if you need to repeat your case add huge amounts of emotion and passion. Explain that if they don’t do something now then it will cost more later.


Be prepared to fill out forms after forms after forms. Unfortunetely they are part of the process of getting help. When you get a new form, read through it, don’t even try to fill it in. Then go through it and fill it out with pencil. Leave it for a day and then put pen to paper. Also don’t be frightened to ask for help. There are quite a few charities around that can help. At the end of the day if the social worker or support person does there job properly they should help otherwise it will just create more work for them. Use that arguement at every stage with any agency that you cross paths with.

Things you will hear

“Sorry but there have been a lot of cuts”, “no budget, council has had cuts to its budget” - bullshit. This is absolutely bullshit. Have a look on your local goverments website. If you see an acting head of a department work on them being paid over £400 per day and maybe a lot more. You see an acting head gets paid out of a different budget and the salary is not capped. Also check out your local goverment office at night, they are generally lite up like christmas trees. If the council has no budget then the acting heads should be forced into the capped salary, no expenses fulltime role. When I pointed that out no one argued.

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