A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read

Tam & Mammy

It’s day 3 of Tam being in respite. One more sleep and he is home again.

I set out plans for this time without Tam and I have mostly failed in achieving them. However, I have managed to reset things in my head and get some rest. I suppose it is better to fail in plans in an effort to work through the other more important things in life.

A major realisation that I suffer badly from separation anxiety as much as Tam does and its something I have to work on. If I can get a handle on it that will help Tam.

Things I did get done. I learned something new. In working on a friends website I learned a lot about CSS (a web technology). This give me a nice sense of achievement. Spent a bit of time testing what I have learned and will apply it sometime next week. I tried to learn something very technical to support doing some paying work but my brain would just not accept it.

I got a lot of tidying up done. At last I got caught up. Did a reorganisation of a few things to make life a little bit easier.

Had one bad nights sleep and one good nights sleep. The bad nights sleep was flash backs and waking up and panicking when Tam was not here. Stupid but real. A bit of my brain was looking for Bev as well and sleep would not return. The second night I got a bit mad with myself as I tossed and turned and could not settle so I got up and watched some crap TV for half and hour and then tried again. Sleep arrived and so did the morning all too quickly.

Decided to build a computer that I was going to do later in the week and cracked it out in just over an hour. Brain work is too much, but motor skills are still operating well. Muscle memory is a great thing. Will have to work on building up my concentration .

Tomorrow morning up with the larks and off to get Tam. Home and prep for school. Hopefully he will stay calm at the thought of school.

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it’s just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Men at work - overkill

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