A journey through grief with autism.

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Tam & Mammy

So, we have 3 more weeks of lock down.

Its 5:50am on Friday morning and we are still up. We got up at 6pm yesterday. Tam is relaxed and sitting next to me. We have a delivery from Morrisons in 5 hours which includes all of Tams favourite foods. Yesterday I talked to the Doc about my meds and also to Tams respite centre about how they help. Both of those conversations made me feel better.

My health app is showing that over the past week I have averaged just over 8 hours of sleep per day. So that’s a positive, the downside of that is that it looks like I have been doing cover shifts. The 8 hours of sleep per day have occurred at different times of the day. Its a bit weird and at times is hard to deal with but at least both me and Tam are getting sleep.

Food has been a bit more of a problem. Tam likes specific things, a good example is the wholewheat noodles that he likes. They are wound in a circular nest and are brown. Another make of wholewheat noodles look exactly the same colour and profile but are made as a wrinkled bed. So in the raw they look the same on the basis of colour and profile but are packaged differently. Tam knows this. However, if I cook the round nested ones with out him seeing he will eat them no problem. If I cook the wrinkled bed ones, again without him seeing, he will turn his nose up and refuse them. I cannot tell the difference in smell, taste or look once cooked. Tam can. So, the point is a seemingly harmless substitution can impact the ease in keep Tam fed and happy.

Taking Tam out to the shops as I have mentioned before is full of problems of him touching things and then stimming and touching his face, or having stupid busy bodies wanting to have there thoughtless say. It also triggers Tam into thinking we can do other things like go to the cinema. It breaks my heart not being able to take him to the cinema. He gets so excited asking about going to the cinema. How can I explain that we cannot go so that he understands? I know where we will be as soon as the cinema reopens.

3 more weeks of lockdown.

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