A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read


Well its Tuesday morning at 5am and things have been calmer tonight. No biting, kicking. Calm and simple tea, lots of cuddles and a beautiful thank you at the end. Then Tam asked to go to bed and dragged me off with him. I knew he had not slept much the night before and was more worried about him getting some sleep than having a broken night. So at 6pm he was asleep and stayed that way until midnight. Kinda what I expected.

From midnight til 4am Tam is awake and wanting to play. When he is in that kind of mood he is hard to contain, but we have developed a game to make it easier. About 4am he started to quiet down and it is at that point I left him by himself with a request to “sleep please”. Twenty minutes later he was asleep.

For me the night continues. If I go to sleep now I will sleep through the alarm even if I connected to a bomb under me. Since midnight I have been pottering around, going through paperwork, washing dishes, getting the washing into the washing machine ready for a “decent time”. And writing. I have updated my journal, done a todo list, a bit of programming for a friends website and an hour of an online course. Busy busy busy is the only way.

8am and I will get Tam up. Get him showered and fed and off to school. I will probably have a nap so that I am ready for tomorrow night in case we have a repeat. In a way I prefer this split night sleep for him rather than nightmares but I would prefer Tam to just get a good nights sleep with no fuss. Maybe in the future we will get there, for now we cope.

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