A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read


Today should have been Tams last day at school before the christmas break. It ended up not being that way.This morning he was spun up and running on empty after not getting much sleep. The time came to get ready and all hell broke loose. He got really upset and screaming. Asking for tight cuddles and asking ‘stay with daddy’. I pushed on.

We had cuddles, I talked about it being his last day at school for a couple of weeks but it did not work.

I managed to get Tam ready but when i turned my back to sort out his school bag I heard a rip. Just like the incredible hulk, Tam had ripped his school shirt right down the front. Not really unexpected since he returned from school yesterday with a ripped school shirt and was wearing a spare.After a bit of a one sided conversation we tried again. Same result. I was not fast enough to stop him.Change of tack. Jeans and t-shirt. See if we can move forward, and get him to school. No joy.

At this point Tam was getting more and more aggressive and more upset. He was on his knees asking ‘stay with daddy please’ with a huge emphasis on the please.

I did not want him to spiral out of control so I called halt. I called transport and school and explained that I was concerned that Tam was in such a state that I did not want to put myself or anyone else in danger. I had give in to Tam and was keeping him off school. I failed.

It’s now 11am and all is calm at home. We have rented a movie and any decisions about how these holidays go and what we do will have to wait. Right now Tam is calm. I am calm. Right now that is all that matters.

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