A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

3-Minute Read


I decided I was going to review the month of September half way through and again at the end. I put this on my to-do list months ago and I have forgotten why. All I can think is that I did it for a reason so here goes.

Two birthdays have passed, Bevs and mine. They were really difficult days, grief grabbed me by the shoulders wrestled me to the ground and then gave me a bloody good kicking. I cannot even put into words how much I miss Bev. Then after grief had finished with me and I got busy with Tam it did the same to him. He misses his mummy so much and showed it front and centre on her birthday. Tams grief in some ways is typical, in some ways it is so very different. Over the days since Bevs birthday Tam has been what I will call triggered. He is very easy to anger, and he is very prone to breakdowns where he sobs until he is sick.

This week Tam had a night in respite and he refused food and drink. I know what Tam can be like and it is very frustrating and worrying when he refuses food and drink. Normally he refuses drink when he is ill. He even dumps drinks when he is given them and does not want to drink. In this case I know it is how he has been feeling and a psychological thing rather than a physical problem. I am going to have to work with the respite centre to get him eating better there as he starts staying for more than one day very soon.

I had a visit to the doctors, it was a very useful evaluation of things and I have a better way forward as far as me. I am not going to say any more than that as I have to focus on Tam and make sure he feels safe and secure.

So Tam in the past couple of weeks has regressed as far as his separation anxiety goes. He is back to having bad dreams and wetting the bed real bad. Last night I had to change him and the bed clothes twice and I spent the night watching over him as he was screaming in his sleep. He is also crying for his mammy, all of this breaks my heart.

September at the half way point has been a really difficult month and I have Tams birthday to sort out. It is such a sad time as I remember last year and he got so angry with his presents he pretty much destroyed them all. I only have a few days to decide how to do this and I have no clue which is the best thing to do.

All I can hope is that we get through September and work through the christmas period which is another rough time for both me and Tam. The shops will have christmas decorations and that kind of rules out taking Tam to town as he reacted so badly last year.

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