Today is an angry day, tomorrow is a sad day. Grief knows how to really punch you in the gut around birthdays.

September 10th would have been Bevs birthday. Sorry, reword that September 10th IS Bevs birthday.

Every year I have been lucky enough to celebrate her birthday with her it has always started at one minute past midnight. Little hints dropped by her about what presents she have. It was always a joke on about having to wait till the morning or evening. I always gave in with the presents that I got her, and she would get most within about 20 minutes of her starting to drop hints. Her presents from Tam had to wait for him coming back from school.

I always tried to make it a bit of a laugh as far as birthday presents went and I am not sure when but cotton buds and pads became the daft present. I would spend time disguising and wrapping them. FOr days before Bev would go on about not needing more buds but she would laugh so loud when she opened them. I even held them back one year and she looked so disappointed when there were no cotton buds and pads. Again she laughed so much when I give them to her.

Her not being here for her birthday is such a big hole.

Both me and Tam miss her everyday but her birthday is so hard. It is brimming full of memories. It is so sad for our boy. For the past few days he has been waking during the night singing “happy birthday to mammy”. I wish I could see inside his head. Bev always made such a fuss of Tam but more so on birthdays.

She would have been 51 years old. She was no age. She still had so much left to give and so much life to live.

Anyway if you are reading this please hunt down a track from Alterbridge call “In Loving Memory” and play it.

The lyrics are :

Thanks for all

You’ve done

I’ve missed you for so long

I can’t believe you’re gone

You still live

In me

I feel you in the wind

You’ve got me constantly

I never knew what it was to be loved

Thanks for all you’ve done

I’ve missed you for so long

I can’t believe you’re gone and

You still live in me

I feel you in the wind

You guide me constantly

I never knew what it was to be alone, no

‘Cause you were always there for me

You were always home waiting

But now I come home and I miss your face

So smiling down on me

I close my eyes to see

And I know you’re a part of me

And it’s your song that sets me free

I sing it while I feel, I can’t hold on

I sing tonight ‘cause it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you

In loving memory of the one that was so true

You were as kind as you could be

And even though you’re gone

You still mean the world to me

I never knew what it was to be alone, no

‘Cause you were always there for me

You were always home waiting

But now I come home and it’s not the same, no

It feels empty and alone

I just can’t believe you’re gone

And I know you’re a part of me

And it’s your song that sets me free

I sing it while I feel, I can’t hold on

I sing tonight ‘cause it comforts me

I’m glad it sets you free from sorrow

But I’ll still love you more tomorrow

And you’ll be here with me still

All you did you did with feeling

And you always found a meaning

And you always will

And you always will

And you always will

And I know you’re a part of me

And it’s your song that sets me free

I sing it while I feel, I can’t hold on

I sing tonight ‘cause it comforts me

Alterbridge

Bev and Tam used to dance to this and I used to watch in awe. It used to light up my world. Now I hear it sung from Tams point of view and it makes me so happy to have had the honour of spending so many year with her.

After dancing

Sweetheart we miss you so much.

Alan and Tam