A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read


Tonight my boy is hurting. He has spent most of the night crying.

We tried something else tonight, straight from school we went to the cinema. They had a short on that only lasted an hour and it was a way of thanking him for day 2 at school. All was good, good communication with the school, all things worked today. So off we toddled down to the cinema.

Customary cake, bacon sandwich and a cuppa for Dad. No problems we had time. Things are good. Then it all started to change, Tam started asking “going to school tomorrow” and I kinda fobbed him off with “sshhhh watch the film”. He would not though. He must have switched between “going to school tomorrow” to “no school please” and after about 40 minutes he exploded. Biting scratching and screaming “no school”. I carried him out of the cinema over my shoulder being punched and bitten. We got outside as quickly as I could carry him with everyone turning and watching.

Outside I broke down and said “no school”, yet again he cried in relief and hugged me. I wish I understood what he is scared of in relation to school.

After a tearful walk home and some quiet time he attacked again. This time it only lasted a few second as he stopped and started crying and said “no school?”. I just hugged him and did not answer. Since then he has been calm. I really with I understood this fear of school.

So its just after midnight on Wednesday and I have myself another position I have to work out. Do I put Tam through the stress of sending him to school tomorrow and do the “please do this for daddy” or wait until I have talked to the Doctor again? I guess for now I accept the quiet and calm and sleep on the question. One way or another I need to find a solution.

Alan & Tam

Do you feel what I feel
Can we make that so it’s part of the deal
I gotta hold you in these arms of steel
Lay your heart on the line this time

Robbie Robertson - broken arrow

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