Ghostdogs

Ghostdogs

A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read

Tam

Its the start of September and six weeks of holiday are nearly done. Only a few days left and a lot to do. Not least is to get Tam back into getting ready for school at the right time. That feels like an impossible tasks at the moment. Today is another day with no sleep. First of September and its 5am. No sleep. I have tried melatonin but he just got upset. I tried to keep him in bed but that became a fight. Right now he is wired, running around and aggravated. I am knackered and wondering when he will sleep. The only upside is that he is safe and fed.

Today I tried to get his school clothes organised and have a bit of a tidy out. It caused all kinds of problems. Tam got very aggressive and upset. I had to call it off. There was a crazy idea that when I got him to sleep I would sort it out, look where that got me.

All I can do is hope that he falls asleep early tonight so that I can have a rapid sort out and then get some sleep. Hope is in short supply in this house, well as far as Tam sleeping. I have no clue how he does it. Maybe his autism allows for him to switch off half of his brain while the other goes at twice the speed.

Three days and he is back to school and I am anticipating that I will be making apologies for his nature on his first day back. I half expect to be sending him to school with no sleep.

I wish I understood what was going on in his brain. He seemed to be getting better, but all of a sudden he is scared to sleep again. He has told me umpteen times over the past week. I try to comfort him and make sure that he feels loved. I tell him he is loved, I show him love, we have kiss blowing games which make us both giggle. I wish I could take off this hurt for him. I wish I could change all of the bad things that have happened.

Alan & Tam

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