A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read


September used to be a busy month, now its full of memories.

It is Tam’s 12th Birthday, my birthday and Bev’s birthday. Bev would have been 51 on the 10th. She was too young to go. I have stopped caring about my birthday. The thing I liked about my birthday was ringing my Mam at 7:30pm and wishing her a happy birthday, she did all of the hard work after all. All I can do is think about making that phone call. My biggest thing to do is to give Tam a great birthday and that is not easy when all I can think is that he does not have his Mammy here and the fuss she used to make of him.

I always tried to make Bev’s birthday fun. I would get her lots of little presents and one big present. It became a bit of a joke that I always got her cotton buds and makeup pads. She would complain for days before saying “you better not have got me buds and pads” but laugh so loud when she unwrapped them. That laugh. My god she could fill a room with laughter. One year I hid the cotton buds and put them in her morning coffee cup when I left for work. I could hear the laughter in the text she sent.

The best I can do now is to put some flowers on her grave. Life is not right.

September is going to be a tough month. It has only just started and I am on day 3 of Tam not sleeping. I have anxiety about how I get him sorted for going back to school.

Also the damn shops and shopping centres will start putting up the Christmas decorations and last year the reminder of Christmas cause a lot of problems for Tam.

I hate September.

Thanks again for taking time to read this

Alan & Tam

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