A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read

Tam & Mammy

September is here again.

Used to be so much fun but now it feels like a massive black hole that cannot be filled. The hole in our lives never seems to get smaller. If anything it just gets bigger and bigger. Losing Bev has been the hardest thing to cope with in my life and for Tam it has been even more devastating.

Memories of her are everywhere.

Tam is in the process of getting used to going back to school. I am also wondering if it will happen and the preparation that I am putting into Tam will all be for nothing. I am so tempted to pull Tam out of school and home school him. I have been for the last six months. Anyway 9th September he is going back (at the moment). My fears and anxieties are all based around him being safe. He was not having a good time at school in January and February and if that continues then I feel like the only option I have is to home school him. All I can do is my best to prepare him and see what happens.

The day after Tam goes back to school will be Bev’s birthday. I would give my own life to have her back for Tam.

All in all my anxiety and stress is running high. I am doing my best to mask it from Tam as he feeds on it and it makes things harder from him. So I wave my white flag on my anxiety, smile and do my best with tickles and give us the best fun I can. Not always easy with a shoulder injury but even Tam is getting it now.

Stay safe,

Alan & Tam

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