A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

2-Minute Read


Its Tams birthday.

All day since I dropped him off at school I have been thinking about what was happening 12 years ago. Minute by minute I can remember the things that happened. And most of all I can vividly remember Bevs face the first time she saw Tam. It has been a real tough day, a really tough day. She is not seeing her precious boy grow up.

I decided that today I was going to keep Tam busy with lots of little presents and one big present along with his favourite food.

It did not work.

Tam has been so wound up since he got home. He has told me “miss mammy” so many times and has kissed her photo so much. He is so frustrated tonight he wants nothing to do with food, or his presents. I have had to hide them because he got so angry and I had to wrap around him to stop him hurting himself.

I know time will heal us both and he will understand how much he is loved by both me and mammy. His speech will improve so that he can have a discussion about what happened. But, and its a huge but, right now his frustration and anger are front and centre for him. I am just thankful that the four or five explosions that he has had have been defused by kisses and hugs. A few minor scratches and bruises are better on me than my not so little boy having concussion.

Hopefully over the next few days I can introduce his presents. I just hope he sleeps tonight.

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