A journey through grief with autism.

Alan Greenwell

3-Minute Read


15th February is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. He is in my heart and mind constantly. Always looking for what he would say or do.

Tam’s week has been focussed on not going to school again.

Sunday - Bad meltdown. Pleaded not to go to school. He hid under the bed. It was a struggle to get him out. A decent nights sleep.

Monday - Up and a little meltdown. Mostly crying, not much hitting and off to school. Came back tired, wanted loads of reassurance and did not mention school once. Slept well.

Tuesday - Up late, pleaded not to go to school, spent time explaining to him why he had to go to school. I had a meeting at school which went well. I have to look at things and help Tam with his separation anxiety. He came back in one hell of a mood and before we got home he was scratching, kicking and biting. He did not calm until about 9pm when I managed to get him to eat and drink. Then it started again. Eventually he ran out of energy and slept from 4am til 8am. Off to school without much fight. Both of us very tired.

Wednesday - Better night, Tam needing lots of reassurance. He cried a lot but very little biting and scratching. He ate well which is good.

Thursday - Still carrying Tam outside, he got ready easy enough but hid when I told him it was time to go. He got home with a hat. He will not wear hats but he has pinched one from school. Got some great photos of him with a massive snake. So we went on line and learned some different types of snakes. I did not know there was so many. 5pm and Tam took himself to bed. 5:30pm and he is asleep. Oh Hell, he will wake up at midnight and be up all night. So I slept. I woke at midnight, Tam woke a couple of hours later. A little bit of upset and a talk about Mammy again. He is having lots of nightmares at the moment. Tam back to sleep by 4am. I have been getting a head start on the day. Amazing what you can get done is the quiet of the night.

Friday - Its only 7am and Tam is still asleep. Will wake him in an hour and update this later.

Update: So a good day at school on Friday. Came back tired and a little wired but no upset or meltdown. I told Tam that he has no school for a week and we went through his visual diary. Happy little lad for the rest of the night.

Saturday he had a good lie in and pretty much refused all efforts to get him out. All he wanted was tickles, love and food. Lots of food. A proper chilled out boy. We did some reading and writing and made a camp behind the sofa. A lovely day with a lad that knows how to chill out.

Later in the day we had a talk through about the photos on the memory wall and had a bit of a cry when Tam said “miss mammy”.

Have a great day

Alan & Tam

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