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April 2020
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In Loving Memory

Just After Christmas 2017 our world collapsed. Bev, my partner and my son’s mummy died very suddenly. Tam saw his mammy go from holding his hand and cuddling him to me performing CPR and the next day seeing her for the last time. This blog is a bit of our journey, struggles and successes. I hope that if you invest your time in reading it that you get something from it and hopefully in some way it helps you.

Alan and Tam


28Mar

Nocturnal

Nocturnal life is common amongst geeks. I have stayed up until the early hours and then
27Mar

What day is it?

The last few days have seen us doing homeschooling, building and rebuilding our fort, tidying,
20Mar

Isolate Day 4

Bean bag day. 12 Noon Bean bag not here yet. Coming in a couple of
19Mar

Isolation day 3

Last night was the best nights sleep for both me and Tam. Tam did not
18Mar

Isolation 2.5

Shopping list for anyone entering isolation/quarantine Entertainment But some classic DVD’s – anything before 1970
18Mar

Isolation Day 2

Tam has been a sweaty boy during the night. Asking for ice cubes and drinking
17Mar

Isolation

Yesterday Tam was getting back to normal. This morning he woke with a cough. It
16Mar

Crazy World

Its Sunday at 11pm and Tam has been asleep on and off all day. 30
10Mar

Calmer

Well its Tuesday morning at 5am and things have been calmer tonight. No biting, kicking.
28Feb
Ready for school

This school thing

We started the week with a three day stay at respite. It went well. Tam
27Feb

What has worked?

I am going to start off by saying I am nothing special. I am a
27Feb

2 steps forward…

Half term is over, respite was a success and the first 2 days at school
23Feb

3 days of respite

It’s day 3 of Tam being in respite. One more sleep and he is home
20Feb

Grief Monster

The grief monster is back again with Tam and his dreams. Dr. Kubler-Ross listed the
19Feb

Be Good to Yourself

One of the things I was told early on in this journey was to “be
16Feb

Half Term

I don’t know if this is a thing, but whenever I have got myself to
14Feb

Week 14th feb (Updated)

15th February is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. He is in my heart and
14Feb

Mantra

Something that has been really useful lately is our little mantras. I use one to
07Feb

Days Off

Wednesday morning and Tam was on the road to getting off to school and he
05Feb

My Boy is hurting

Tonight my boy is hurting. He has spent most of the night crying. We tried
04Feb

All the worry

As parents life is full of worry. It does not matter what kind of child
03Feb

First day Back

Its 5pm on Monday Tams first day back at school since the middle of last
02Feb

enigma wrapped……

Tam like any child with autism that is non verbal (or minimally verbal) is difficult
02Feb

The Week(end)

If anyone dares to tell me that Tams current anxiety and stress is not related
31Jan

This week (CONT)

It’s currently 2:35am and after Tam had been down for a while he woke up
28Jan

This week

I have a load of posts that I have been working on that just need
23Jan
Bev and Tam

Sometimes

Tam has come home from school. He looks tired and loaded with cold. He could
21Jan

Still Fragile

I look back at the past few years and try to understand everything that I
28Dec

Post Giftmas

Box Day A totally meaningless day on the calendar now, and an attempt at a
25Dec

Giftmas

Its giftmas day. No decorations no wishing a happy giftmas. Tam slept pretty bad last
20Dec

Failure with a capital F

Today should have been Tams last day at school before the christmas break. It ended
17Dec

Christmas stress

Its been a while since I have posted anything to the blog. The main reason
28Nov

Reflection

One of the best ways for me to learn is to reflect on my actions
18Nov

Sleep

This weekend has been terrible for sleep. Tam has soldiered on with about 4 hours
16Nov

Week End 15 Nov

The past week has been a tough week in comparison to the previous week. Tam
15Nov

Week ending 8th Nov

The past week has been a good one. Starting Monday to Friday morning Tam slept
04Nov
Ready for school

Half Term

Been a tough half term. Sleep is still the toughest part for us.
27Oct
Berries

Mental Health

Mental health is as important as physical health. It can effect your physical health.
27Oct
Tam being cheeky

Finding Answers

Finding answers to behaviours can be difficult, sometimes being wrong helps
23Oct

Simple things need work

Simple things sometimes have an army of people working in the background so that it looks simple. Really they perform
17Oct
Tam Oct 19

Change

A change is as good as a rest, that’s a saying I have always appreciated
16Oct
Respite Play

Pros & Cons of Repsite

One of the biggest steps I have taken with Tam is putting him into respite.
13Oct
Me and Tam

Separation Anxiety

I have spent quite a lot of time looking into any information that I can
13Oct

blown away

Tam has just blown me away and made me cry in the best possible way.
11Oct
Tam Crawling

Empathy

empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/ noun: empathy the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. A
24Sep
Bev and Tam

Tams Birthday

Tams birthday and more anger from him
22Sep
Newcastle Sunrise

5am

5am and Tam is petrified to sleep.
19Sep

How far have me come?

September is tough. Birthdays all the way. One left and its important to do the right thing. What is the
12Sep
Quilliam Brothers Breakfast

Birthdays

Birthday breakfast and learning to take a breath.
09Sep

In Loving Memory

Today is an angry day, tomorrow is a sad day. Grief knows how to really
04Sep
Bev and Tam

Taking a breath

Tam is back at school and I am catching my breath.
01Sep
Young Tam

School hols nearly done

Its the start of September and six weeks of holiday are nearly done. Only a
31Aug
Bev and Tam

September

September, its going to be a rough month. All of the birthdays happen in September.
24Aug
Tam at night

Sleep

Some times you have to be thankful for the peace and forget about trying to sleep.
23Aug
Bev and Tam

Form Filling

DLA forms are the worst things in the world of forms
26Jul
Longhair

The hardest haircut

Having a haircut for an autistic person is never easy. When you have not had your hair cut for 5
25Jul
Our Cinema

Cinema Again

Cinema visit, low expectations of being meltdown free. Best result.
24Jul

Panic Attacks

Panic attacks, and being good to yourself
20Jul

And the holidays begin

Tomorrow is Tam’s last day at what I would call junior school. He moves up
18Jul
Respite Play

Respite Part 2

Dropping Tam off at the respite centre was hard, especially after being at the beach
17Jul
Day at the beach

Emotional Day

A big day, beach and respite for the first time
14Jul
3D printed

Toys

Toys, Fidget Toys any toys that work.
14Jul

Cinema Visit

Today we went to the cinema. We went to a relaxed viewing which means the
10Jul

Silent Illness

Any parent knows that when their child is ill that it is the most worrying
02Jul

No miracle cures

This is a subject I was going to stay away from but I have had
01Jun
Eyes

Introduction

I am not totally sure of my reasons for writing a blog or a book