Losing Bev was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She was star stuff that shone so brightly. I miss her more every day and life has been hard without her.
For Tam it devastated him. Our beautiful boy stopped smiling for a long time and when eventually I got him to smile I would watch the happiness dissolve from his face and the sadness rush over his eyes. A bit more of me died every time I saw it happen. I pushed hard trying to help him heal. I put my healing to one side to try with all of my might to help him.
Slowly our Tam started to be swallowed up by his grief for his beautiful Mommy. His anger came. His frustration built and it became dangerous for both of us.
Before Bev died we did so many things all together. We put so many foot prints in the sand, great memories all painted black.
I look back through the period of time since Bev died and wish I had done the other thing. The thing that removed the pain from both of us. I didn’t because I always kept a hold of hope.
I look at Tam now and see a strung out little boy that is in pain. Pain I can do nothing about. Pain made worse by a system of “care” that I had to fall on to that is so badly faulted it is disturbing. I have talked quietly and screamed to get heard and neither works. The system does what it does.
So, I have nothing more to give on this blog. Tam is in a care system that does not listen. I have done all I can and the pain of not being listened to is destroying me. I ask questions and get no answers. I cannot see anything else the I can do.
I have no more positive or negative stories to give. I end the story here.
To anyone who thinks that the care system works then the story of Tam proves you wrong. It is not fit for anything. Of the people I have had interactions very few have had the humanity or heart to treat Tam with anything that approaches respect. The ones that have been human and cared have left the services out of frustration.
So this is the end of the story.
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