So the search begins. Turning stones over to find out what is underneath. What has life got left to experience? What do I look like now? Plus a whole load of questions that I have not even thought about or want to think about. The healing is still ongoing. I miss Bev more today than ever. The hurt from the loss of her beauty and love is more intense everyday. A hurt I am only just starting to live with. Somedays it is crippling, somedays not so much.

I have to work towards being the best Dad to Tam as I can be. What does that even look like? A question I am only just getting to grips with. For the past nearly 6 years I have been as much his carer and punch bag as anything else. Understand that I know that Tam is struggling by himself but then I am struggling which causes him to struggle and vice versa. It has been a spiral down the drain of grief, loss and anxiety.

After bottling up all of the turmoil for so long there might be some stuff that blows through. We will have to see.

Alan

Dad and Broken Human. (click the envelope to reach out)