A Cautionary Tale to those who have to look to local authorities for help.

I write this for all of the parent of children that might need a bit of help from the social services. It is from my experience of interactions with the services in Newcastle upon Tyne. It has been a painful (and continues to be) journey. It is a cautionary tale of hopes been dashed and worse. If any of you are hoping that children’s services will be the parachute or backstop that will save you and your child then this tale is for you. It will... read more

Another rotation around the sun is done. Half way through the first month and not a thing has been done

Tam is taking every moment of every second even when he is asleep.

The amount of love and attention he has needed over christmas is beyond belief, but we have come out of the other side. A period of time has passed that I hoped would have tempered the feelings that Tam has but with the million reminders of the time of year it has not dulled his emotions at all. To be truthful I would say this year has... read more

So planned visit with Tam today. It did not go as planned.

Arrived at the hospital and was signing in when I got a call from an unknown number. It was the ward in the hospital to say that there had been an incident. Tam had had to be restrained and then put into seclusion. My Tam had blown his lid like he has done at home and school.

I had a brief conversation with one of the nurses which give me an outline of what was happening and realised that I was not going to be able to see... read more

Waiting for the hammer to fall

16th August

I have been put in a situation that feels like a battlezone and right now I am just waiting for enemy contact. I am moving around as quiet as I can and my nerves are like broken eggshells.

Tam is extremely anxious after a nights sleep and we have been up since 3am. He is so anxious that he is not able to sit long enough to eat a meal. He gets his wild eyes if a move around too much and the best I can engage him with is... read more

I think the biggest questions me and Bev had when Tam was diagnosed was “When will he speak?” and “What will he be like as an adult?”. Both of these questions were not answered and its only many years later I have realised why.

For one there are so many unknowns to take into account. Why would a professional try to explain more than that? To be truthful they shouldn’t.

Why headphones?

Well sound sensitivity is a common cause of problems for people with autism. It varies a lot and the outcomes can be dramatic when a sudden sound hits that sensitive spot. Now, remember that saying of “if you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child”. Well this is no different and the stuff I am sharing here applies well to Tam but your mileage will vary.

Types of headphones.

You will see some kids with what I can only describe as industrial ear defenders. You know the type, just go to a... read more

Another year sweetheart and so much has changed.

Tam is doing a lot better now. He is fit and well, his temper although just under the surface still, is more contained. I am so proud of how he is regulating himself. The team he has around him are doing a real great job helping him and redirecting him onto something more positive.

He is now in a house that is much safer and more suitable for him. Like all things not perfect but life never turns out perfect does it.

read more

Waiting for the hammer to fall

16th August

I have been put in a situation that feels like a battlezone and right now I am just waiting for enemy contact. I am moving around as quiet as I can and my nerves are like broken eggshells.

Tam is extremely anxious after a nights sleep and we have been up since 3am. He is so anxious that he is not able to sit long enough to eat a meal. He gets his wild eyes if a move around too much and the best I can engage him with is... read more

When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

I have not liked that saying for most of my life. Right now though it makes sense. Sometimes you have to apply the saying in a different way and use that deep down sarcasm that lurks inside us all. Sometimes no matter how much you want to make lemonade people will get in the way.

Over the past (very traumatic) seven months I have had to deal with a number of people in Newcastle City Council and in particular the children’s service. In particular the management team. To say it has been... read more

So over the past 2 months a lot of things have changed and I though it might be good to share what has worked well and what hasn’t.

Now/Next

One of the things that has helped Tam at school has been his “Now and Next” board. The one we have at home is a little different as it is screwed to the wall with stickers on showing the now/next parts and we have magnetic symbols that we put on it. Also a big change from the one he uses at school is that it also has what I am... read more

Update

I find us in a position that we need to make some tough decisions. Tam had a bad day at school on Wednesday and a couple of really bad nights due to that.

Not that I am keeping score but it is currently Tam 4 - Televisions 0. He was so angry on Thursday and Friday I could not send him to school and it came to a head a few times. Even with medication to help him calm down he still broke through it and got violent.

Unfortunately the support systems around us generally failed. Only school... read more

When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

I have not liked that saying for most of my life. Right now though it makes sense. Sometimes you have to apply the saying in a different way and use that deep down sarcasm that lurks inside us all. Sometimes no matter how much you want to make lemonade people will get in the way.

Over the past (very traumatic) seven months I have had to deal with a number of people in Newcastle City Council and in particular the children’s service. In particular the management team. To say it has been... read more

Another year sweetheart and so much has changed.

Tam is doing a lot better now. He is fit and well, his temper although just under the surface still, is more contained. I am so proud of how he is regulating himself. The team he has around him are doing a real great job helping him and redirecting him onto something more positive.

He is now in a house that is much safer and more suitable for him. Like all things not perfect but life never turns out perfect does it.

read more

So the search begins. Turning stones over to find out what is underneath. What has life got left to experience? What do I look like now? Plus a whole load of questions that I have not even thought about or want to think about. The healing is still ongoing. I miss Bev more today than ever. The hurt from the loss of her beauty and love is more intense everyday. A hurt I am only just starting to live with. Somedays it is crippling, somedays not so much.

I have to work towards being the best Dad to Tam as... read more

Over the years since Bev died I feel like there have been so many let downs from a system that could only be seen as totally broken. I look back over the this period and think that if I had approached it from the perspective of that I was alone in walking out of the fire that life had become it would have been easier. If you have to depend on yourself then you will make better decisions that you can only blame yourself if they go wrong.

Where I am right now I look at the various people and... read more

Why headphones?

Well sound sensitivity is a common cause of problems for people with autism. It varies a lot and the outcomes can be dramatic when a sudden sound hits that sensitive spot. Now, remember that saying of “if you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child”. Well this is no different and the stuff I am sharing here applies well to Tam but your mileage will vary.

Types of headphones.

You will see some kids with what I can only describe as industrial ear defenders. You know the type, just go to a... read more

So over the past 2 months a lot of things have changed and I though it might be good to share what has worked well and what hasn’t.

Now/Next

One of the things that has helped Tam at school has been his “Now and Next” board. The one we have at home is a little different as it is screwed to the wall with stickers on showing the now/next parts and we have magnetic symbols that we put on it. Also a big change from the one he uses at school is that it also has what I am... read more

It’s Monday night and Tam has been home for about 12 hours. This is the first photo taken of him.

A happy boy

To say he is a happy boy would be an understatement. He has been searching the flat, sorting things out and getting his bags unpacked and put away.

The last 2 weeks have really gotten away from me. I have felt constantly busy with conversations, meetings, DIY, and just getting organised.

Right now he feels like the Tam I knew from before Bev died. He... read more

So planned visit with Tam today. It did not go as planned.

Arrived at the hospital and was signing in when I got a call from an unknown number. It was the ward in the hospital to say that there had been an incident. Tam had had to be restrained and then put into seclusion. My Tam had blown his lid like he has done at home and school.

I had a brief conversation with one of the nurses which give me an outline of what was happening and realised that I was not going to be able to see... read more

Waiting for the hammer to fall

16th August

I have been put in a situation that feels like a battlezone and right now I am just waiting for enemy contact. I am moving around as quiet as I can and my nerves are like broken eggshells.

Tam is extremely anxious after a nights sleep and we have been up since 3am. He is so anxious that he is not able to sit long enough to eat a meal. He gets his wild eyes if a move around too much and the best I can engage him with is... read more

When things go wrong it is very easy to get down and despondent. The past few months it would have been very easy to let that happen for me and Tam.

My only advice in this situation is to look at what is important. Write it down. Remind yourself what really matters. Focus on these things and do your damnest to push the crap away.

I usually start with a list of good things and bad things. At the start of writing the list I can write more bad things than good but as I dump out all of the... read more

When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

I have not liked that saying for most of my life. Right now though it makes sense. Sometimes you have to apply the saying in a different way and use that deep down sarcasm that lurks inside us all. Sometimes no matter how much you want to make lemonade people will get in the way.

Over the past (very traumatic) seven months I have had to deal with a number of people in Newcastle City Council and in particular the children’s service. In particular the management team. To say it has been... read more

Waiting for the hammer to fall

16th August

I have been put in a situation that feels like a battlezone and right now I am just waiting for enemy contact. I am moving around as quiet as I can and my nerves are like broken eggshells.

Tam is extremely anxious after a nights sleep and we have been up since 3am. He is so anxious that he is not able to sit long enough to eat a meal. He gets his wild eyes if a move around too much and the best I can engage him with is... read more

Tams Holidays

The holidays started out really badly but did get better.

Hope you like Tam’s photozine. I set it as kind of a challenge for us and something that had some structure around it. To give you an idea of how much work went into it

• 9 rolls of film
• about 6 hours to process the film
• about 12 hours to scan the pictures
• about 3 days to select the pictures and put them together in the photozine
• at least 50 cups of tea, a dozen cookies, fish and chips, burgers and countless other snacks
• a half... read more

Photo walks were always going to be a big part of the holidays for me and Tam. It’s a big part of his weekend to get out for a walk with a camera bag over my shoulder.

Well today is the first day of the holidays that Tam has been emotionally well enough to ask to go out with the cameras. But, and it is a big but which cameras. At first he tried to cram in 2 35mm SLR cameras, a medium format camera (that could stop a tank) and a point and shoot film camera. All well and... read more

Tams Holidays

The holidays started out really badly but did get better.

Hope you like Tam’s photozine. I set it as kind of a challenge for us and something that had some structure around it. To give you an idea of how much work went into it

• 9 rolls of film
• about 6 hours to process the film
• about 12 hours to scan the pictures
• about 3 days to select the pictures and put them together in the photozine
• at least 50 cups of tea, a dozen cookies, fish and chips, burgers and countless other snacks
• a half... read more

I know it has been awhile since I have posted something but I have not had the mood to write anything positive. In the past month Tam has had a week off school with a bad cold (remember them?), a week off school for half term and a couple of weeks at school. In the meantime I have been waiting to hear about a decision about Tam returning to respite.

First I will explain that six months ago, October 2021, Tam had an incident on an outing while in respite. That incident ended up with one person hurt and the... read more

Why headphones?

Well sound sensitivity is a common cause of problems for people with autism. It varies a lot and the outcomes can be dramatic when a sudden sound hits that sensitive spot. Now, remember that saying of “if you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child”. Well this is no different and the stuff I am sharing here applies well to Tam but your mileage will vary.

Types of headphones.

You will see some kids with what I can only describe as industrial ear defenders. You know the type, just go to a... read more

Why headphones?

Well sound sensitivity is a common cause of problems for people with autism. It varies a lot and the outcomes can be dramatic when a sudden sound hits that sensitive spot. Now, remember that saying of “if you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child”. Well this is no different and the stuff I am sharing here applies well to Tam but your mileage will vary.

Types of headphones.

You will see some kids with what I can only describe as industrial ear defenders. You know the type, just go to a... read more

Why headphones?

Well sound sensitivity is a common cause of problems for people with autism. It varies a lot and the outcomes can be dramatic when a sudden sound hits that sensitive spot. Now, remember that saying of “if you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child”. Well this is no different and the stuff I am sharing here applies well to Tam but your mileage will vary.

Types of headphones.

You will see some kids with what I can only describe as industrial ear defenders. You know the type, just go to a... read more

When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

I have not liked that saying for most of my life. Right now though it makes sense. Sometimes you have to apply the saying in a different way and use that deep down sarcasm that lurks inside us all. Sometimes no matter how much you want to make lemonade people will get in the way.

Over the past (very traumatic) seven months I have had to deal with a number of people in Newcastle City Council and in particular the children’s service. In particular the management team. To say it has been... read more

A Cautionary Tale to those who have to look to local authorities for help.

I write this for all of the parent of children that might need a bit of help from the social services. It is from my experience of interactions with the services in Newcastle upon Tyne. It has been a painful (and continues to be) journey. It is a cautionary tale of hopes been dashed and worse. If any of you are hoping that children’s services will be the parachute or backstop that will save you and your child then this tale is for you. It will... read more

Another rotation around the sun is done. Half way through the first month and not a thing has been done

Tam is taking every moment of every second even when he is asleep.

The amount of love and attention he has needed over christmas is beyond belief, but we have come out of the other side. A period of time has passed that I hoped would have tempered the feelings that Tam has but with the million reminders of the time of year it has not dulled his emotions at all. To be truthful I would say this year has... read more

So planned visit with Tam today. It did not go as planned.

Arrived at the hospital and was signing in when I got a call from an unknown number. It was the ward in the hospital to say that there had been an incident. Tam had had to be restrained and then put into seclusion. My Tam had blown his lid like he has done at home and school.

I had a brief conversation with one of the nurses which give me an outline of what was happening and realised that I was not going to be able to see... read more

Over the years since Bev died I feel like there have been so many let downs from a system that could only be seen as totally broken. I look back over the this period and think that if I had approached it from the perspective of that I was alone in walking out of the fire that life had become it would have been easier. If you have to depend on yourself then you will make better decisions that you can only blame yourself if they go wrong.

Where I am right now I look at the various people and... read more

Over the years since Bev died I feel like there have been so many let downs from a system that could only be seen as totally broken. I look back over the this period and think that if I had approached it from the perspective of that I was alone in walking out of the fire that life had become it would have been easier. If you have to depend on yourself then you will make better decisions that you can only blame yourself if they go wrong.

Where I am right now I look at the various people and... read more

Oh hell, the day arrived that I was fighting against for so long. I had to get Tam some help and the only form left to me is to have him sectioned.

What forced the decision?

Since the end of October 2021 Tam has been having problems with his anxiety and the coping mechanisms he normally has been using have slowly failed him. Part of the problem has been to get Tam out and about. Even going to the places he has always enjoyed are not motivating him to go out.

So what happened, how does it work?

A lot of questions have come from the last post about Tam being excluded from respite. So, with the saying of “there are 3 sides to every story” I will explain the situation so that other people can learn from the situation.

Context.

Tam loves school. He gets anxious about not going to school. We stay well away from the location of his school when he is on holiday so he does not get confused. He really loves the schedule of school and gets a lot from the interactions with people he has developed relationships with. Tam loves school.... read more

December is always going to be hard for Tam and me. The hole that was left in our lives when Bev died gets bigger again once December comes around. For Tam the sight of Christmas decorations and adverts can become too much and I have to try to isolate him from it.

This year seems things seem to have become too much for him earlier than usual.

After his incident at respite it was only a few weeks before he had another and that has been followed quickly by more and more. I don’t think it is fair to Tam... read more

If I wrote this piece a few weeks ago it would have been a detailed synopsis of all that is wrong with the treatment that Tam got from Claire Dover at Ferndene. Now I realise that it just a rotten system with lazy people doing the same thing over and over again.

A little bit of an explanation is needed though.

Tam has been in hospital twice. Once from 7th May til the 27th June and the second time from the early hours of the 31st October til the 11th November. In reality I brought Tam home the second time... read more

Oh hell, the day arrived that I was fighting against for so long. I had to get Tam some help and the only form left to me is to have him sectioned.

What forced the decision?

Since the end of October 2021 Tam has been having problems with his anxiety and the coping mechanisms he normally has been using have slowly failed him. Part of the problem has been to get Tam out and about. Even going to the places he has always enjoyed are not motivating him to go out.

So what happened, how does it work?

The past few months feels like I have been turning rocks over to find out who I was and who I will be. So far I have found nothing under the rocks that I like or that is useful. I think I have a lot more rocks to look under.

The most important thing for me is that Tam is fit, healthy and safe. Well I have that at least. Part of me thinks anything other than that is not worth bothering with. Another part of me knows that survival and supporting Tam is important. The sway between the two... read more

The past few months feels like I have been turning rocks over to find out who I was and who I will be. So far I have found nothing under the rocks that I like or that is useful. I think I have a lot more rocks to look under.

The most important thing for me is that Tam is fit, healthy and safe. Well I have that at least. Part of me thinks anything other than that is not worth bothering with. Another part of me knows that survival and supporting Tam is important. The sway between the two... read more

Oh hell, the day arrived that I was fighting against for so long. I had to get Tam some help and the only form left to me is to have him sectioned.

What forced the decision?

Since the end of October 2021 Tam has been having problems with his anxiety and the coping mechanisms he normally has been using have slowly failed him. Part of the problem has been to get Tam out and about. Even going to the places he has always enjoyed are not motivating him to go out.

So what happened, how does it work?

So the search begins. Turning stones over to find out what is underneath. What has life got left to experience? What do I look like now? Plus a whole load of questions that I have not even thought about or want to think about. The healing is still ongoing. I miss Bev more today than ever. The hurt from the loss of her beauty and love is more intense everyday. A hurt I am only just starting to live with. Somedays it is crippling, somedays not so much.

I have to work towards being the best Dad to Tam as... read more

I was going to write about things that went well and things that were tough in 2021. It was tough thinking about the year so I decided to write about one thing. Tam had a photo published in Amatuer Photography magazine.

It was a shock when we got an email saying that they wanted to publish it. So highlight of the year was Tam taking a copy of the magazine to bed and falling asleep looking at his name and photo in a magazine.

Short and sweet post but thankful for the joy this brought my boy.

Oh hell, the day arrived that I was fighting against for so long. I had to get Tam some help and the only form left to me is to have him sectioned.

What forced the decision?

Since the end of October 2021 Tam has been having problems with his anxiety and the coping mechanisms he normally has been using have slowly failed him. Part of the problem has been to get Tam out and about. Even going to the places he has always enjoyed are not motivating him to go out.

So what happened, how does it work?